Official seal of the fictional National Bagholder ReserveNational Bagholder ReserveParody institution · $NBR
RESERVE OPERATIONALNATIONAL BAG INVENTORY — RISINGPUBLIC CONFIDENCE — STATEDPRIVATE CONFIDENCE — CLASSIFIEDFDBC — STILL LOOKING AT THE CHARTMARKET DATA FEED — PENDING$NBR — LIVE ON SOLANABUREAU OF UNREALIZED LOSSES — ACCEPTING FILINGSIN BAGS WE TRUSTRESERVE OPERATIONALNATIONAL BAG INVENTORY — RISINGPUBLIC CONFIDENCE — STATEDPRIVATE CONFIDENCE — CLASSIFIEDFDBC — STILL LOOKING AT THE CHARTMARKET DATA FEED — PENDING$NBR — LIVE ON SOLANABUREAU OF UNREALIZED LOSSES — ACCEPTING FILINGSIN BAGS WE TRUST
Office of the Chair · Press briefing

Briefing Transcript

Chair Jerome P. Bagwell takes questions from the press pool. The Chair is fictional, the composure is total, and nothing said here is advice.

Podium live
A dim institutional press briefing room with a walnut podium and navy curtains

Briefing room · Sub-level 1

“The Reserve will take questions. The Reserve will not take advice.”

On the record
Transcript

Questions from the press pool

Select a question to hear the Chair's response. Every exchange is fictional dialogue written for satire.

ReporterYou bought at the top?

Chair BagwellWe entered during a period of elevated price discovery.